Let a dating coach show you how you should never play second fiddle in your relationship. Explore why you should have your partner's full attention and how to deal with it if you don't.
Why Would a Woman Want to be Second Fiddle to Another Woman?
Reader Question
Hi. My name is Jenny and I'm 15 years old. I have a friend and let's just name him Bob. I met Bob last year during the summer right before my first year of high school started. We've gotten really close and he's really nice. He had a girlfriend (let's name her Carla). Carla's mom made her break up with Bob near the end of the school year. A few days ago, Bob asked me if I liked him. I said that I wasn't sure. I've thought about him that way before, but I didn't say anything since he was going out with Carla. I'm not sure exactly how I feel now. Yesterday, I told him that I sort of had an answer. I told him that I liked him a lot but it wasn't exactly a I love you thing yet. I guess he felt similar to how I did. What I found out was that he had gotten back together with Carla. But the way he talked made it seem like he didn't want to go out with her. Carla must have asked to go out again and Bob must have said yes because he didn't want to make her feel bad. So I'm planning on talking to him later today about how he feels about her exactly and how I feel about him being uncommitted to his relationship with her... (is that a good idea?) I'm thinking that I should give him a chance since I know him really well (and he's not a bad guy). But he has to make up his mind about Carla because I'm not going to let him cheat on her. Any advice on anything I've said? Should I go out with him or should I wait until we get closer?
-- Contributed by: Jenny
Expert Reply
Dear Jenny,
Never play second fiddle to another girl. Play first fiddle or don't play at all. You deserve Bob's full attention and if he still has feelings for Carla, then he can't give you his full attention. It doesn't matter if she broke up with him because her mom made her. If Bob said yes to get back with Carla, then he is still interested in her on some level.
Bob may have wanted to know how you felt about him so that he wouldn't have to risk breaking up with Carla only to find out that you are not interested. He may be the kind of guy who doesn't like to be without a girlfriend. Let Bob know that you are interested in him, but you will only go out with him if he is not going out with anyone else. If he tells you he is not going out with Carla ask him how Carla thinks of about their relationship. Does she think they are still going out? If she does, then he has not done a good job ending the relationship and rumors will spread. This could look bad on you. Better to play it safe now and not go out with him, than to be sorry later and have to do damage control to your reputation as being a boyfriend stealer.
~~Lori
