Want some simple, but direct, ways to win a guy's heart? Read on for some advice from our Ask the Dating Coach.
Advice on Ways to Win a Guys Heart
Reader Question
Dear Ms. Lori,I am 17 years old. Can you give me any advice? How can I win the heart of a boy that I like in school? To be honest I am really crazy after him. I even sent my friend to tell him that I like him, but she didn't unfortunately. I will really appreciate your help.
Sincerely, Albina
Expert Reply
Dear Albina,
Although the average guy is more visual then verbal, this doesn't mean that he is adept at picking up the cues of someone who's interested in him. So before you can win the heart of the guy you like, you're first going to have to get his attention. One way to do this is to think about the type of girl that he notices. Is she athletic looking? Is he attracted to styles that are classic or hip? Once you know what he is attracted to, you can then adjust your style accordingly.
The other way to get this guys attention is to set yourself apart from the competition. To do this, you're going to need one thing… courage. You'll need courage in order to take some risks. Those risks include talking to the guy yourself, and flirting with him. Since most people your age use a friend as an intermediary to talk on their behalf, doing something out of the ordinary will definitely get you noticed. It will also make you seem more confident and more mature. For a guy who's feeling insecure, your approach will be a warm welcome.
When you combine having the style he is attracted to with the courage to approach him, you're now ready for the final ingredient…flirting. Some people confuse flirting with acting sexy. As a result, when flirting is sexual, the risk is that the guy gets the impression you are offering him yourself sexually. Flirting works best when it is being friendly with a mission. In your case, you're flirting to get his attention, to make him feel confident and to make him see you as someone worth getting to know better.
There are 3 key steps to flirting. The first is the non-verbal. These are things like, body language, body space and body contact. For example; when you approach the guy you like, you'll want to stand close enough to him so that someone else can't walk between the two of you. You'll want to look into his eyes when talking to him. Then briefly, lightly touch him on the arm. So that everything about the approach says, I am interested in you, but not I want to jump your bones right now!
The second and third steps are verbal. The exact words you use to talk with this guy aren't as important as the tone of voice you use. Your tone says I am a happy, interesting, and a fun to be with kind of gal. When tone of voice is combined with non-verbal body language, this one-two punch gets his attention and his interest. It also says a lot about you, which is why you want to be the one talking with the guy and not one of your friends.
The second part of verbal is the actual conversation. Saying something as simple as 'hi' is enough to get his attention. You'll want to follow that up with a comment and an open ended question in order to get him involved in a conversation. Something as simple as talking about the recent holiday vacation, asking him what he did is enough to get you started and get him engaged in a conversation. Initially, keep the first and second conversations short and try to lengthen each subsequent conversation.
Once you've had a few conversations, you're ready to take the final risk which is to suggest that the two of you get together and do something like hang out, go to a movie or go someplace. For example; you can say some of my friends and I are going to a movie on Saturday - would you and some of your friends like to meet us there?
I can tell you from experience that thinking about what it takes to get this guy's attention is far more frightening then the actual experience will be. The hardest step on any journey is the first step. Once you get past the first step, each subsequent step gets easier. Isn't the risk of winning this guy's heart worth taking the steps necessary?
~~Lori
