Wondering how to tell if a woman is interested? Check out the advice from our dating coach.
How to Tell if a Woman Is Interested
Reader Question
I get turned down or stood up a lot. I'd say around 80 percent of the women I've asked have done one or the other. I would really like to know how you could tell if a woman is interested before you ask. I can't get any useful advice from friends or family. They say things like, "You'll just know" or "Read their body language." The problem is that I don't know and I don't think another 30 years will help. I really need some specific advice.-- Contributed by: Trevor
Expert Reply
Dear Trevor,
Both men and women often ask me, why does someone accept a date invite if he or she has no intention of going on the date. The answer to this question is simple, for many, turning down a date invitation seems mean and hurtful. What these men and women don't realize is that not following through on a date proposal is more hurtful than turning down a date in the first place.
Although there are people who ask someone out and people who accept dates only as a means of flirting, most of the time this is not the case. So what causes a person to initially ask someone out or say yes to a date proposal only to later change his or her mind? The answer to this question is not so simple and usually is not the result of one specific thing. On the contrary, the change of heart is often the result of a few things happening in quick succession. Unfortunately, this change often appears to happen unbeknownst to the intended as in your case.
Being turned down or stood up 80 percent of the time tells me you are misreading communication on two levels. One level is how you are coming across to others. In other words, your verbal and non-verbal communication is turning off your audience without you being aware. The second level of communication that you are missing is how others perceive you. This means you are not aware of what exactly or when exactly you are turning off women. As a result, you're left being turned down or stood up a lot.
I am going to suggest two things. The first is that you read the book, First Impressions: What you don't know about how others see you. The second recommendation is that you work with a coach specifically on improving your dating and social skills. I agree with you that waiting another 30 years to figure out what you're doing wrong is too long to wait. Especially when there are things you can do right now to turn your situation around.
~~Lori
Does She Love Me?
Reader Question
I met this gal at the university, we hit off. The problem is I am not sure I am her love or not? I asked her out to go to the library. She accepted, but she said she had an appointment with her doctor. She insisted we could go to the library in another week. The next week, although she had promised, she did not call. When I asked the reason she just said she had just forgotten. For one week I didn`t talk about going out at all. The next week she brought up the issue of going out saying we could go after exams. So after the exams I called her, she said she is not sure she can go out so I asked her to phone me and tell me whether she could. Still, she didn`t call -- but again one week later she brought up that we should go out next week. As I haven't been in a relationship before, I am confused. Is she playing hard to get? Do I have to be less available? Or, am I just wasting my time on this gal? Or, does she just consider me a friend?-- Contributed by: Does she really love me?
Expert Reply
Dear Does She Really Love Me,
The hard part about a new relationship is waiting to find out if the other person feels the same intensity for you that you feel for her. This waiting period can be brutal. On the one hand, you want to wait long enough to find out if she is interested and wants the same kind of relationship as you do. On the other hand, you don't want to wait around too long only to find out she wasn't all that into you. A good rule, listen with your ears AND your eyes.
When a girl loves you, her words and her behavior will match. So when she says she will do something, be somewhere, call at a certain time, she does. The more unpredictable her words and behavior are, the less intense her feelings are for you. The girl you are interested in is unpredictable; this tells me that while she has feelings for you, they are not the romantic kind. I don't think she is playing hard to get, I think she is interested in you as a friend. It is unlikely that her feelings for you will grow into something more than a friendship.
One way to find out for certain if there is a possibility for a romantic interest is to be less available. If she chases you and follows through with spending time with you there is a possibility that romance will blossom. On the other hand, if she chases you and the time she spends with you is infrequent, then I would have to say you are wasting your time on her.
~~Lori
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