Are you wondering how to flirt and be intimate with a man in the modern world? TV and movies are filled with stereotypes and ludicrous examples, but the secret may lie in the simple act of being yourself.
How to Flirt and Be Intimate with a Man
The advice of Dr. Myrtle from A Woman's Touch Sexuality Resource Center is that separation stereotypes can be a bigger obstacle to communication than the actual people involved. Men and women are both human, and while some men may express their love in ways that seem strange, women do too. It's more about the individuals and their connection than gender roles. Here's how the formulas for flirtation and intimacy break down:
Flirting = Interest + Intention
The whole purpose of flirtation is to let someone know that you have some interest in them. Perhaps you are just interested in a date, perhaps you are overwhelmed with lust, or perhaps you are madly in love. However, telling someone you like them is a very scary and vulnerable thing to do because you run the risk of rejection.
Flirtation is a way to protect yourself and give the other person a polite way to say "no thanks" with some of the pain of rejection mitigated by the fact that you were "just flirting." Even better, if the feeling is reciprocated, it can become a game, with the two people edging closer to expressing those raw feelings for each other.
However, because it's intentionally vague, it's easy for flirtation to be misunderstood or for politeness to be taken as flirtation when it's not intended that way. Especially in Western culture, where men are discouraged from being "in touch" with their feelings, you may have to be especially overt about letting them know how you feel.
- Touch: Reaching out to squeeze his arm, his hand, or just naturally taking his arm as you walk can be a clear way of showing your interest in a man. Tousling his hair playfully or just spontaneously hugging him also can give him a good idea.
- Suggestive Comments: If you're looking for a more physical romantic relationship, dropping hints about kissing, snuggling, and other intimate physical connections can also let him know where your interests lie.
- Eye Contact and Smile: The combination of a full-on gaze with a genuine smile is a great way to simply let a man know that you enjoy his company. The saying "the eyes are the window to the soul" is very apt, and the longer you hold a gaze, the more you're moving beyond flirtation and into intimacy.
Intimacy = Attention + Vulnerability
When flirting, you can keep your guard up because there is always the element of deniability, of saying "Oh, I was just playing around." On the other hand, learning how to flirt and be intimate with a man requires the leap of faith and the establishment of trust between people. It also requires a level of attention unusual in the hectic pace of everyday life.When you are being intimate with a man, you and he are shutting out the rest of the world as much as possible and focusing on each other. The intensity of this experience can be quite overwhelming, especially for anyone who is not used to it or who has been hurt by it in the past.
- Tell him. You don't have to be poetic or give fancy gifts to be intimate. In fact, those things can get in the way. Use simple words to tell him how you feel about him.
- Watch for the cues. At the same time, don't expect that he's going to reply to your expression of love in sonnet form. It may be as subtle as a smile, or perhaps he's unable to find the words and reaches out to take your hand instead. Make sure you're taking this as they're intended - loving gestures - and realize they are a way of communicating.
- Give it time. One thing that is needed when trying to establish intimacy is the element of time. Relax into a loving touch like a hug and just be there together, paying attention to all the things about this person that make you feel loved and loving. You don't have to be constantly doing something.
Whether you're flirting or trying to create the ultimate romantic connection, the most powerful tools you can use are authenticity and sincerity. Be yourself, because when you reach those intimate moments, that's the person the man you love wants to see.
